How did you feel? It must have felt awful, right?
Have you ever been humiliated?
I was humiliated on many occasions. It made me feel powerless and just not good enough.
I remember this one evening when I was at a conference in Dubai, sitting among “big shots” in the video games industry — we had dinner and drinks. Lots of drinks.
I was just about to leave the party.
I and another girl were the only females at that party. I was a senior business manager, while she was a junior. We shared the same manager, and it was I who persuaded him to bring her along, to help her learn something from the seniors.
But as it turned out, she envied me. So, when I stood up and told my goodbyes, one of my business partners asked me to stay for another drink. She answered, instead of me:” But she can’t, didn’t you know she drinks too much?! Hehe…”
I felt humiliated. Yes, I am recovering alcoholic. But somehow it hurt anyway. It was belittling.
I was lucky enough to be in the company of the gentlemen who ignored the girl’s comment. Looking back now, I know it was her who humiliated herself.
The fall down of my best friend.
My good friend was recently humiliated once again by his wife on his birthday. They were having a party where many of his friends were present. Somehow sex came up and my friend’s wife told his friends that her husband has a small penis, and that’s why she has a vibrator. A long silence followed….another birthday was ruined. This was not the first time his wife put him down in front of the others.
Humiliation is a form of abuse. The worst is when the humiliations come from someone close to you, someone you are in a relationship with. And it is an unpleasant feeling which shakes you to the very core.
Humiliations come in many forms, such as
- Bullying, name-calling, or mocking.
- Badmouthing, spreading rumors, making belittling remarks.
- Pointing out your disabilities or/and inabilities.
- Insulting your beliefs or your ridiculing religion or rituals.
- Inappropriately teasing you in front of others.
But why do certain women humiliate their men?
They must know that what they are doing is going to inflict pain on their partner. They must be aware of that.
- Humiliation is just another form of control.
It’s abusive behavior and when a woman humiliates you, it gives her a sense of power over you. Most likely they do this because they have very low self-esteem and they want to feel superior.
Many men wait around and accept this form of abuse because it’s very subtle. It happens once in a while: when your friends come around or at a family dinner. Your partner might make small remarks about your clothing or compare you to someone else, stating that you are not doing financially well enough — often she would laugh and make it seem to be a joke.
How to spot humiliation?
Humiliation is sometimes hard to spot and can be mistaken for teasing. It can start with her making a childish gesture or chastising you for speaking up your mind.
- Does your girlfriend like to insult you in front of strangers?
- Does she laugh at your mistakes?
- Does she put you down because you are not dressed well enough?
- Does she speak about your intimate relationship in front of your friends?
- Does she compare you to her past boyfriends/husbands in front of others?
If yes, then this is the time to part ways.
Men stay in Toxic Abusive Relationships
Being ridiculed will lead to serious health problems. I know men who have become isolated and have stopped seeing their friends just because they fear that their girlfriends/wives will make belittling remarks. I know men who have developed anxiety, and depression and started binge drinking at home.
We must start recognizing the abuse of men by their partners. Johnny Depp has shown society that it’s time to stand up to the abuse.
Society still has wrong beliefs about men who have kept this kind of abuse hidden for too long.
Some of these beliefs are:
- Men don’t get pushed around by women.
- Men should not protect themselves when a woman is hitting them.
- Men should be tough and accept rudeness.
- Men should provide for women even after divorce.
- Men should be able to “handle” their women.
Because of toxic beliefs, men who are abused by women don’t speak about it.
And even police and other professionals may not take the abuse seriously. As a result, these men suffer. It’s time to help these men find the courage to speak up. Because abuse can happen to men too.
How Partners In Men’s Will Help You
For those affected by Toxic Abusive relationships: be it yourself, your spouse, your grandmother, or even a therapist. Partners in Men’s Health have created a unique oasis to heal from any Emotional Challenge.
We offer safe and private concierge-style services that are not available for this highly specialized situation around High Conflict Relationships in all areas of one’s life: family, friends, romantic relationships, and high-conflict situations at work.
For all those stuck in Toxic Abusive Relationships, consider subscribing and reaching out and we will do our best to help you reclaim your identity, and together raise awareness about the “hidden clinical epidemic” of our times.