Have you ever been humiliated? How did you feel? It must have felt awful, right?
I was humiliated on many occasions. It made me feel powerless and just not good enough. My closest ones humiliated me, my alleged soul mate put me down, kicked me and made lies about me. There are bullies all around us.
I remember this one evening when I was at a conference in Dubai, sitting among “big shots” in the video games industry — we had dinner and drinks. Lots of drinks. I was about to leave the party.
I and another girl were the only females at that party. I was a senior business manager, while she was a junior. We shared the same manager, and it was me who persuaded him to bring her along, to help her learn something from the seniors.
But as it turned out, she envied me. So, when I stood up and told goodbyes, one of my business partners asked me to stay for another drink.
She answered, instead of me “But she can’t, didn’t you know she drinks too much?! Hehe…”
I felt humiliated by such a false statement. But I was lucky enough to be in the company of the gentlemen who ignored the girl’s comment. Looking back now, I know it was her who humiliated herself.
My good friend was recently humiliated once again by his wife on his birthday. They were having a party where many of his friends were present. Somehow the topic of sex came up and my friend’s wife told his friend’s that her husband has a small penis, and that’s why she has a vibrator.
A long silence followed…. another birthday was ruined.
This was not the first time his wife put him down in front of the others. Too many people who are or have been humiliated by their partners.
Humiliation is a form of abuse.
The worst is when the humiliations come from someone close to you, someone you are in a relationship with. And it is an unpleasant feeling which shakes you to the very core.
Humiliations come in many forms such as:
- Bullying, name-calling, or mocking.
- Badmouthing, spreading rumours, making belittling remarks.
- Pointing out your disabilities or/and inabilities.
- Insulting your beliefs or your ridiculing religion or rituals.
- Inappropriately teasing you in front of others.
But why do women humiliate their partners?
They must know that what they are doing is going to inflict pain on their partner. They must be aware of that.
Humiliation is just another form of control. It’s abusive behaviour and when a woman humiliates you it gives her a sense of power over you. Most likely they do this because they have very low self-esteem, and they want to feel superior.
Many men wait around and accept this form of abuse because it’s very subtle, it happens once in a while: when your friends come around or on a family dinner. She makes small remarks about your clothing or compares you to someone else, stating that you are not doing financially well enough — quite often she would laugh and make it seem to be a joke.
But if it repeats too often, and you feel humiliated — then you should speak up. Humiliation is sometimes hard to spot and can be mistaken for teasing. It can start with her making a childish gesture or chastising you for speaking up your mind.
- Does your girlfriend like to insult you in front of strangers?
- Does she laugh at your mistakes?
- Does she put you down because you are not dressed well enough?
- Does she speak about your intimate relationship in front of your friends?
- Does she compare you to her past boyfriends/husbands in front of others?
If yes — then this is the time to part ways.
The issue is that many men will stay in abusive relationships. They will keep on ignoring it and brushing it off.
But don’t — these are red signs.
Being ridiculed will lead to serious health problems. I know men who have become isolated and have stopped seeing their friends just because they fear that their girlfriends/wives will make belittling remarks. I know men who have developed anxiety, depression and started binge drinking at home.
Humiliation can be paralyzing. Trust me I know. It feels like being locked up in a cupboard and even though the door is open you just can’t leave.
Society’s wrong beliefs about men have kept this kind of abuse hidden for too long. Some of these beliefs are:
- Men don’t get pushed around by women.
- Men should not protect themselves when a woman is hitting them.
- Men should be tough and accept rudeness.
- Men should be able to “handle” their women.
Because of toxic beliefs, men who are abused by women don’t speak about it. And even police and other professionals may not take the abuse seriously. As a result, these men suffer. It’s time to help these men find the courage to speak up.
Abuse can happen to everyone, no matter the gender.
Mila
