The people who have hidden anger boiling inside of them are usually miserable. Their anger can be expressed in different ways, and we are often misled by such people. You might not even know that someone is secretly angry with you. If you think someone in your circle might have anger issues, but if you’re not sure, look for these signs.
Angry People Are Pseudo-Judges.
Angry people like to judge others. They are people who make assumptions. People judge when they just don’t know you. They assume when they don’t understand you.
I have been judged a lot — on what I do and who I aspire to be. Because certain people can’t grasp their heads around me, I am a mystery to them.
People often judge when they feel threatened. It pains them if you get more attention, praise, and admiration than they do, so they make false assumptions about you. They try to find a flaw even where there are none to see.
Judgmental people are everywhere. They are hostile and draining, and they don’t make you feel good. But don’t worry; they suffer the most because of their limited and flawed beliefs about the world and the people around them.
Angry People Are Masters of Projection.
Angry people criticize a lot. They can be critical even of the most beautiful things in the world. It is ridiculous. Angry people have very low self-esteem, and they often project their anger outward by belittling other people’s lifestyles, careers, and their efforts toward making a nice life for themselves and their families. It works wonders for them because, in some sense, this normalizes their anger issues.
Angry people project their issues onto others.
They can choose what they want and don’t want to see in other people. Yet, somehow, they decide to focus on the bad in others. I’ve noticed that profoundly selfish people love to preach solidarity. They will create false arguments to justify their own selfish behavior. They’re not aware that they only care about their interests, and that they’re incapable of making the most minor concessions to other people.
They think their excuses are valid reasons for acting the way they do. If you ask them about it, they’ll say that their own arguments for being selfish are entirely reasonable:
“I didn’t want to act that way, but circumstances forced me.”
“Nope, your selfishness did.”
Angry people project their faults onto others so they don’t have to suffer the pain of seeing it in themselves.
Angry People Are Jittery.
Anger and depression walk hand in hand. Sigmund Freud said “Depression is anger turned inward.”
Angry people are pretty self-destructive. They often express their misery through passive-aggressive behavior and become quite withdrawn. They exhibit their passive-aggression through being chronically late, isolating others, and destroying their intimate relationships.
They are also often anxious, and they live in a constant fight-or-flight mode. Anger is the only way they can respond to frustration and stress. The anger leads to becoming obsessive with anger and ultimately destroys their chance of being happy.
Put simply, angry people suffer a lot, and their behaviors drive many people away.
Angry People Are Still Stuck in the 5th Grade.
Everyone gets upset, stressed, or anxious when encountering tough problems or hard decisions; the difference is that mature people would find the most positive and effective way to solve the problem while treating people respectfully.
Emotionally delayed (immature) people may act viciously, exaggerate, lie, and hold grudges. They victimize themselves; they bring the “poor me” factor into play where it’s clearly unnecessary. They rarely take responsibility for their actions. Instead of admitting that they messed up, they will blame someone else, get defensive and guess what?
Angry People Grumble a Lot.
People who spend a lot of time complaining are immensely frustrated. They moan about the most minor things, everything is an effort to them, and life is rarely “fair.” Why don’t they just change?
Unfortunately, they can’t make meaningful change — they are so unhappy with themselves and their lives. They live in a precarious balance with their emotions. When something doesn’t go their way, they become easily frustrated and lash out.
Angry People Wish to Control.
People in the throes of anger typically don’t realize that they are mad, and they can’t imagine that there is a better way to deal with situations that foster their anger. Angry outbursts can give people a false sense of power and authority with which to control others around them. When they can’t control others, they get even more upset!
Angry People Play the Blame Game.
Angry people frequently play the “blame game.” It’s so easy to get upset when you can blame someone else, right? Feeling like other people are at fault for your situation can be quite freeing. Angry people blame others so they can continue to be miserable and mad without taking accountability for their actions.
There are many reasons people become angry. After clinging to anger for a long time, perhaps, they just don’t know how to stop being angry.
They forget to enjoy life. They don’t know how to let go; to live in the moment. They treat everything as a problem. So they complain, often. They don’t know how to deal with their frustrations appropriately.
Perhaps their upbringing has been a significant factor in contributing to their anger, since their parents have taught them how to respond to various life situations. As children, we looked up to them and often copied their coping methods when dealing with stressful, anger-provoking situations.
I was fortunate that my parents taught me that the most important things in life are to be happy, to always look for good things, and to be kind and affectionate and never seek vengeance.